Yes, It’s Work—But It’s Worth It
TikTok video from 2022-03-30
People often say to me, “Wow, that sounds like a lot of work,” when I talk about being polyamorous. And you know what? They’re not wrong. But the truth is, it’s not that polyamory itself is the exhausting part—it’s that relationships, in general, are work. Whether you’re monogamous, polyamorous, or something else entirely, relationships take effort, intention, and communication.
What makes polyamory unique is that it often comes with built-in expectations around communication and feedback. There’s less assumption that one person should fulfill all of your needs, and more acceptance that it’s okay—healthy, even—to seek out different connections to meet different parts of yourself.
In my relationships, that kind of honesty is the norm. If my emotional, physical, or logistical needs aren’t being met, I’m not afraid to speak up. I can turn to my boyfriend and say, “Hey, I need more touch, or time, or companionship,” and he doesn’t get defensive or hurt. He listens. And sometimes, the answer isn’t, "Let me try harder." Sometimes, it’s, "Go find someone who can give you that."
That’s real love. That’s real partnership.
Just this morning, we had one of those classic poly check-ins. He looked at me and said, “You’re looking too far away. You keep falling for men who live out of town. You need someone super local.”
And you know what? He’s absolutely right. As much as I love my comet lovers—the ones I connect with when they pass through town or I travel—there’s something incredibly grounding about having someone nearby. Someone I can see on a whim. Someone who can hold my hand at a local coffee shop or spontaneously come over after a long day.
So that’s what I’m focusing on now. Finding someone nearby who brings that everyday intimacy into my life. And the beautiful part? My partners want that for me. They cheer me on. They support me in finding the relationships that fulfill me—even if they’re not the ones to do it.
There’s no jealousy. No competition. Just respect and understanding.
I know this might sound unfamiliar or even strange to someone who’s used to monogamy, but think about it: isn’t that what love should be? Wanting the best for your partner, even when it stretches beyond what you alone can offer?
The truth is, polyamory isn’t about collecting partners. It’s about cultivating freedom, trust, and joy in all its forms. It’s about saying, “I see you. I love you. And I want you to have everything your heart desires—even if it’s not with me.”
Yes, it’s work. But it’s work that’s rooted in growth, honesty, and a whole lot of love. And that makes it more than worth it.
