What’s the Difference Between a Comet Lover and a Boyfriend?
TikTok video from 2022-03-31
Someone asked me recently—thank you, Buster!—what’s the difference between a comet lover and a boyfriend? And I love this question because it’s such a great example of how polyamorous relationships can take all kinds of forms, depending on the people involved.
Let’s start with the basics.
A boyfriend, like Sapio in my life, is someone I see regularly. He comes over once a week, we spend intentional time together, we share physical intimacy, emotional connection, and a rhythm that feels like part of my week-to-week life. Our relationship is consistent, present, and woven into my day-to-day world.
A comet lover, on the other hand, is someone who comes into my orbit less frequently—but with just as much emotional significance. Chiron is my comet. We see each other maybe once a year, and when we do, it’s like no time has passed. The connection is deep, soulful, and meaningful, even though we don’t have regular check-ins or consistent interaction.
We call it a “comet” relationship because, like a comet in the sky, it appears rarely but brightly. There’s love there. There’s intimacy. But there isn’t an expectation of daily or even weekly presence.
And that’s the beauty of polyamory—we get to define our relationships based on how they actually function, not just on how often we see someone or what label society assigns. Some people need consistent contact. Others thrive on more occasional, impactful moments. Both are valid. Both can be loving, intimate, and important.
So yes—Sapio is my boyfriend. Chiron is my comet. One I see often, one I see rarely. And both of them hold space in my heart in completely unique ways.
