Why Our 35th Anniversary Includes All Our Partners (and Why That’s Exactly Right)
TikTok video from 2022-05-12
Hey, babe. I’m Lisa—known online as the Polly Wife—and this June, my husband and I are celebrating 35 years of marriage. That’s a lifetime of love, shared memories, late-night talks, arguments, making up, raising each other, and learning (over and over) how to stay connected while growing individually. It’s beautiful—and it’s not been without its rocky seasons. But here’s the twist that makes our marriage different from most: we’re polyamorous, and we’re throwing our anniversary celebration with all of our partners included.
Now before your eyebrows hit the ceiling, let me explain.
When I told one of my girlfriends we were inviting our partners and their partners to join us for our anniversary dinner, she looked surprised. She said, “But why wouldn’t you want to celebrate just the two of you? It’s such a big deal—you’ve been through so much together.” And she’s right—we have been through so much. We’ve survived more than a few emotional earthquakes and still come back to each other. But part of the reason we made it through is because of the way we live our lives—with love that is shared, not siloed.
From the earliest days of our marriage, connection beyond the two of us has been part of our dynamic, even before we had the language of “polyamory.” One of our first shared relationships wasn’t even sexual—it was a deep friendship with a woman we called “the weekend wife.” She’d stay with us, go to the movies with my husband if I was away, share dinners and laughs. It was a bond built on comfort, companionship, and trust. Looking back, it was an early version of what would later become our chosen way of life.
Later, I had a catering partner I lovingly called “my second husband.” We worked like a married couple—fought, forgave, leaned on each other. We even joked that if I was mad at my actual husband, I’d go hash it out with her and come home calm. It wasn’t romantic, but it was intimate. Emotional intimacy matters, too. It always has.
So when I think about this anniversary, I don’t just think about us. I think about the people who’ve helped us grow into who we are as a couple. The partners who’ve shown us parts of ourselves we hadn’t accessed yet. The lovers who’ve made us feel desired, understood, and accepted in ways that are different—but just as powerful—as what we share together. These people have supported us, celebrated with us, held space for us when things were messy. Why wouldn’t we want them there?
Polyamory, at its core, isn’t about replacing anyone. It’s about adding love, not subtracting commitment. It’s about expanding our capacity to love and be loved. It’s about understanding that no one person needs to be everything to another person—and that joy, connection, and companionship can come in many forms.
This anniversary, we’ll toast to 35 years of us—yes. But we’ll also toast to the people who’ve helped us stay us—who’ve brought light and laughter and sexy, delicious energy into our lives. We'll raise a glass to Sapio and Lambo, to my girlfriend and my husband's girlfriend (who, yes, are also dating each other), and to our chosen family who help us live this rich, full, unconventional life.
No, it's not what tradition expects. But it's honest, loving, and true to us. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
