Our Very First Poly Relationship (Before We Even Knew It)
TikTok video from 2022-05-11
Hey babe, story time! I want to take you back—way back—to the late '80s, to something I hadn’t even remembered clearly until just recently. I was chatting with a friend about our upcoming 36th wedding anniversary when a whole wave of memory hit me. It was one of those moments where you realize, “Oh wow… we’ve kind of been poly this whole time.”
Let me back up.
I’m Lisa, the Polly Wife. My husband and I have been married for over three and a half decades, and we’ve been practicing polyamory more formally for the last few years. We both date other people, and we live a life rooted in deep trust, radical honesty, and a beautiful thing called Kitchen Table Poly. (If that phrase is new to you, go check out my other posts—there’s lots there.)
So, during this conversation about our anniversary, my girlfriend asked me why we were planning a party that included all our lovers and their partners. She didn’t quite get it—why not just keep the celebration between the two of us? Isn’t that what an anniversary is supposed to be?
And I laughed, because for us, it’s never just been the two of us. Not in a bad way—not in a “we’re missing something” kind of way—but because we’ve always had other people deeply woven into our life. That’s always been the flavor of our love: expansive, welcoming, a little off the beaten path.
Even before we officially called it polyamory, our marriage had elements of it. And I remembered—clear as day—that back in the late '80s or early '90s, Ev (my husband) had what we affectionately called his “weekend wife.” She was a close friend of ours—let’s call her Lori—who was in law school nearby. When I’d be out of town or working late, Lori would come over, hang out, go to dinner and movies with Ev, and sometimes spend the night (platonically). We just all loved each other’s company. We called her the weekend wife, and we said it with warmth and humor and a surprising level of comfort.
No, it wasn’t sexual. But it was intimate. Emotionally connected. And very much a three-way friendship that blurred lines in all the best ways.
That memory made me smile because it reminded me: we’ve always done things a little differently. And it’s worked. It’s worked because we’ve built it on a foundation of trust, laughter, and letting go of what relationships are supposed to look like.
So yeah—our 35th anniversary party? It wasn’t just about us. It was about everyone who has walked beside us, supported us, loved us, and added to the richness of our shared life.
We’re not celebrating 35 years of just us—we’re celebrating the chosen family we’ve built along the way.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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