Why Are You Married Then? A Real Answer from a Polyamorous Wife

TikTok video from 2022-06-24

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I get this question a lot.
Sometimes it's asked with genuine curiosity.
Other times, it’s asked with a hint of judgment.

"If you're dating other people… if you have multiple partners… if you're getting romance, sex, and connection elsewhere... why are you married then?"

So let me give it to you straight.

I got married because I was in love.

I was 23. He made me laugh. He saw me. He wanted to build a life with me, and I wanted to build one with him. There was no big agenda beyond that—just two people choosing each other.

We stood up in front of family and friends and made promises:
To love, to honor, to support each other for life.
We meant it. And we still mean it.

But here’s what they don’t tell you at the wedding:
Marriage isn’t a straight line.
People grow. Desires shift. Needs evolve. And unless you’re both robots, you’re going to hit places where what you need doesn’t always match what your partner can give.

So… why are we still married?

Because we want to be. Because our love never left—even when life got messy.

We didn’t always have great sex. We didn’t always communicate well. There were days we barely touched. There were years where I didn’t even know what I wanted, sexually or emotionally. And he was doing his own work too.

But what we never lost was this:
We still liked each other.
We still made each other laugh.
We still wanted to be in each other’s lives.

That’s when we asked the big question:
What if we stopped trying to be everything to each other?
What if we just let each other be… exactly who we are?

Enter polyamory.

Polyamory didn’t “save” our marriage. But it made it more honest.

It gave us room to stop pretending we were fulfilled in ways we weren’t.
It gave us permission to say: “I love you, and I also need things you can’t give me.”
It allowed me to explore kink, romantic attention, and deep intimacy without shame.
It allowed him to connect with women who spark parts of him I don’t.

We still sleep in the same bed.
We still cook meals and laugh about old stories.
We still fight and make up like any long-term couple.
But now… we also breathe.

So when someone asks me, “Why are you married then?” — my answer is this:

Because I still love the hell out of this man.
Because we made a commitment that includes freedom.
Because we didn’t quit when things got hard.
Because our love grew up.
And because loving him doesn’t mean I can’t also love others.

We’re not perfect. But we’re honest.
And honestly? That’s more than most people can say.