When It’s Time to Let Go Gracefully: Breakups and Polyamory
TikTok video from 2022-05-27
Welcome to my corner of the internet where I talk openly about love, relationships, growth, and yes, even breakups. This week has been one of those reflective ones, and I want to share something real with you about endings.
Lambo and I deescalated our relationship this week. For those unfamiliar with the term, “deescalation” in polyamory means shifting the dynamic of a relationship—usually from something more romantic or sexual to something more platonic or less entangled. It's not about failure. It’s about honesty and evolution.
When Lambo and I started dating, he said he was open to polyamory. He hadn’t done it before, but he was curious—and willing. That’s a brave place to start from, and I give him credit for that. But as time passed and he met other women, one of them sparked something different in him. She wasn’t poly. She was monogamous. And he realized... that’s what he wanted, too.
He wanted to build a connection with her that was exclusive. And rather than hiding that or playing both sides, he did something truly rare: he told me the truth. Kindly. Clearly. He didn’t ghost. He didn’t sidestep. He showed up, looked me in the eye, and said, “I want something different.”
And I felt that. In my heart. I really did.
Now don’t get me wrong—was it easy? No. I cried. I had a little grief bubble up. Not because I wanted to change his mind, but because letting go of a connection, even a non-primary one, still carries weight. Lambo was someone I had built intimacy with. Trust. Shared time, energy, care.
But I also felt peace. Because when someone knows themselves clearly enough to say, “This is what I need,” and gives you the gift of that truth—you can’t be mad. You can only be grateful that they didn’t drag you along a path that wasn’t meant for you.
Lambo’s honesty reminded me why I choose this life. Because polyamory, done right, demands radical self-awareness. It asks you to be honest not just with your partners, but with yourself. It challenges you to look at what you really want—and to let others do the same, even if it means letting them go.
So what did I take away from this?
That people are wired differently—and that’s not something we should try to change. Some people thrive in polyamorous relationships. Others feel grounded and safe in monogamy. And both are valid. What isn’t valid is forcing someone into a mold they can’t breathe in.
I’m polyamorous. Deeply. I need a variety of emotional, intellectual, and physical connections to feel full. Lambo isn’t wired that way. And that’s okay. We honored what we had, and we released it when the time came.
And you know what? That’s love, too.
