Where Do Polyamorous People Meet Each Other? Here's How I’ve Found Deep, Ethical Connection
TikTok video from 2022-05-28
One of the most common questions I get when people first learn that I’m polyamorous is this:
“How do polyamorous people even find each other?”
It’s a fair question—especially for those coming from a monogamous cultural framework, where the dating world is already complex enough. Add ethical non-monogamy to the mix, and it can feel a bit like navigating an entirely new language.
So let’s clear the air: polyamorous people are everywhere.
We’re your neighbors. Your colleagues. Your yoga teachers. Your baristas.
We’re not rare—we’re just not always visible.
But yes, there are specific platforms and strategies that make it easier to find and connect with other polyamorous individuals or couples. In this post, I’ll share what’s worked for me—and what you might want to explore for yourself.
After several years in the polyamorous community, I’ve met partners and playmates through a handful of specialized platforms. Each has its own vibe and audience, and your success will depend on your clarity, communication style, and what kind of connection you’re seeking.
Often referred to as “the kinky Facebook,” FetLife is a social networking site built around kink, BDSM, and alternative sexualities. While not a traditional dating site, it’s a powerful tool for building community and meeting like-minded people in your area.
Many of my connections started here. I met my “cub” on FetLife, and several other friends and play partners through local group events and discussion threads. If you’re interested in conscious kink or play dynamics as part of your poly experience, FetLife is a great starting point.
Feeld is a mobile app designed for people exploring ethically non-monogamous and alternative relationships. Unlike traditional dating apps, Feeld allows you to clearly label your relationship style—whether you’re monogamous, polyamorous, open, or partnered but seeking.
I’ve met several wonderful partners on Feeld, including Luke, “Doctor Philosophy,” and Lambo (still one of the kindest men I’ve met in the poly world). One of my most interesting connection stories started here: I met a man named Alan, whose girlfriend later started dating my husband. Yes, that happened—and yes, it’s a story for another time.
What I love about Feeld is the up-front transparency. The community tends to be open, honest, and direct about boundaries, desires, and existing relationships.
This lesser-known app is specifically designed for people exploring ethical non-monogamy. It’s where I met Orion, who’s been one of my most meaningful long-term relationships—we’ve been together for over three years now.
That said, I haven’t had as much success on #Open overall. Orion is, to this day, the only person I’ve connected with on the app in a meaningful way. But your mileage may vary, and if you’re looking for a smaller, more niche platform, it’s worth exploring.
You might be surprised to learn that Tinder and OkCupid now offer polyamory-friendly options. Both platforms have added filters and identity tags to allow users to express relationship preferences more accurately.
While I haven’t personally used either for poly dating, I’ve heard from others in the community that they’re becoming more inclusive and supportive of non-monogamous arrangements. These could be useful tools, especially in areas where niche apps like Feeld or #Open have fewer users.
The Best Strategy? Talk About Being Poly
At the end of the day, the most powerful way to meet other polyamorous people is also the simplest:
Talk openly about being polyamorous.
Whether you’re online or offline, clarity and authenticity are magnetic. I’ve found that simply sharing my lifestyle, values, and boundaries with transparency invites connection from those who resonate.
When you’re visible, aligned, and living in integrity with your relationship values, the right people tend to find you—or at least have a way to reach you when you find them.
If you’re new to polyamory or just starting to explore, finding your people might feel intimidating at first. But you’re not alone. The polyamorous community is rich with variety—different structures, identities, and approaches—and there are people out there looking for exactly what you’re looking for.
Whether you meet them through an app, a local meetup, a social platform like FetLife, or through casual conversations that blossom into something deeper, one thing is clear:
You don’t have to compromise your relationship values to find love, intimacy, or connection.
You just have to be brave enough to speak them—and open enough to let others meet you where you are.
