A Gentle Goodbye — Letting Go with Grace in Polyamory
TikTok video from 2022-05-26
Breakups aren’t usually things we associate with gratitude. But this one? It reminded me just how meaningful a goodbye can be when it’s handled with care, honesty, and mutual respect.
This week, I had my second breakup in just a few days. And while yes, it’s been emotional and my heart is tender, I also feel profoundly grateful. These weren’t dramatic, angry endings. They were intentional closings of chapters that had run their course. They honored connection, instead of tearing it down.
Let me tell you about Lambo.
Lambo and I met knowing we were different. I’m polyamorous—proudly, openly, and long-term. He had never dated someone in the lifestyle before. From the start, I told him I wasn’t sure we’d be compatible long-term because our relationship frameworks didn’t fully align. But we connected. And for a while, we made something really beautiful together.
Then he met someone new.
She’s monogamous. And instead of hiding it or trying to fit both relationships into a box that wasn’t built for them, he did the most honorable thing: he came to me and talked. Openly. Honestly. He told me he was developing real feelings for her and that she was considering a relationship with him—but wanted monogamy.
He didn’t say yes to her right away. He took a few days. And during that time, he came to me in person, sat with me, and told me the truth: that to pursue something with her, he’d have to end things with me. Not because he didn’t care about me, but because she wasn’t comfortable with his being in another relationship—and he wanted to give their connection a chance.
That conversation was tender and real. He was visibly uncomfortable—not because he didn’t want to be honest, but because he didn’t want to hurt me. And yes, I cried. Because endings, no matter how gentle, still hurt.
But I also smiled through those tears. Because this is exactly what ethical non-monogamy is meant to look like: mutual consent, transparent communication, and honoring everyone’s autonomy.
He didn't sneak around. He didn’t ask me to compromise myself or my values. He was honest. He did the hard thing.
And I got to let go with a full heart, knowing we did everything right.
What most people don’t see about polyamory is that sometimes the real strength isn't in keeping every relationship going—it’s in knowing when to lovingly let go. When to make space for someone else's joy. When to walk away with integrity intact.
That’s what Lambo did. And I will always be grateful for that.
We don't always talk about the beauty in breakups, but I believe we should. Because sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is step aside—and wish them well.
