What If My Partner Wanted to Return to Monogamy?
TikTok video from 2022-03-04
Someone asked me a really important question the other day:
“What would you do if your partner decided they wanted to return to a monogamous relationship—and you did not?”
Mike, thank you for being the first person (I think!) to ask me this directly.
The short answer? We’d need to talk. And talk deeply.
If my husband ever came to me and said he wanted to go back to monogamy, I would want to understand why. What’s behind that desire? What’s changed? What is he missing or needing that monogamy, in his mind, might provide?
Because polyamory isn’t just about having multiple partners—it’s about meeting needs in ways that honor who we truly are. Right now, I have several partners, and each of them fulfills something meaningful in my life. Things that my husband—who I love dearly—doesn’t necessarily enjoy or want to offer.
For example, my husband doesn’t like going out to restaurants (this was more post-Covid). He’s not a big fan of dates or public displays of affection. But those things mattered to me. So when I go out with Sapio, we hold hands, we kiss in public, we share meals in beautiful little restaurants. That kind of intimacy and connection fills my cup in a way that’s authentic and joyful.
So, if monogamy were suddenly back on the table as a request, it would have to come with a real, open, and honest dialogue. What’s motivating it? What’s underneath the surface? Is it fear? Insecurity? A need for more closeness? A feeling of disconnection?
These aren’t things to ignore. They’re invitations to go deeper.
And the truth is, I’ve built a life that feels full, intentional, and deeply aligned. Going back to monogamy wouldn’t be a simple flip of a switch. It would mean a fundamental shift in how I express love, receive connection, and live authentically.
So we’d talk. And we’d listen. And we’d see what’s possible.
Polyamory has taught me that love isn’t about either/or. It’s about truth. And if we both stay honest—no matter where we land—I know we’ll find clarity together.
(Stay tuned for part two—because there are more layers to this!)
