What I Learned from Jealousy-and a Voice Note That Melted My Heart
TikTok video from 2022-03-03
So just this morning, I received a voice note from Ms. Beya in response to a TikTok I posted about my recent experience with jealousy—and I have to share it with you. It was heartfelt, affirming, and such a beautiful reminder of what’s possible when we open up.
Here’s what she said:
“Oh Lisa, I adore the human that you are and your creative nature. I'm finding the rhythm of these TikToks extremely helpful. There's a lot for people to unpack when they're entering and playing in these spaces, so I find your TikTok so, so great—they really are.
This is amazing, and you processing this and how communicative you are in this moment—and your experience with jealousy—has created such a safe space for me. It brings me closer to you. I think that if people can actually articulate and process with each other, that opens up a beautiful door. Emotions pass, feelings pass, and there are other emotions to feel.
Coming out the other side of jealousy—and being able to process with the person you’re feeling it about—what’s on the other side is just so yummy and delicious. I'm feeling all cuddly and warm over here, so thank you, Lisa. I adore you.”
Let me just say: one, I adore her too.
For anyone catching up: I had a threesome with Luke—a man I’ve been seeing for nearly a year—and our mutual friend, Ms. Beya. I knew they’d hit it off, and they absolutely did. A few days later, they asked me if they could play together one-on-one. I gave them an enthusiastic yes.
But not long after, I felt this creeping, unfamiliar emotion… jealousy.
Now, I’m not typically a jealous person, so it caught me off guard. I spent a few days sitting with it, unpacking it, and figuring out what it was trying to tell me. (Spoiler: it wasn’t really about them—it was about something I was longing for myself.) I processed that publicly in a TikTok, and that’s what prompted Beya’s sweet response.
And you know what? That moment taught me something big:
When we allow ourselves to feel all the emotions—even the messy, vulnerable, uncomfortable ones—and then communicate them with love, we create room for deeper connection. What could’ve turned into distance or defensiveness turned into something warm, safe, and affirming.
Being polyamorous continues to teach me new things, but this might be one of the biggest lessons so far: Jealousy isn’t a wall—it’s a doorway. And what’s on the other side can be incredibly beautiful if we’re brave enough to walk through it.
