So You’re Curious About the Lifestyle? Here’s How to Get Started
TikTok video from 2022-04-05
Getting started in the lifestyle—whether that means polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, kink, or swinging—can feel like stepping into a whole new world. But I promise, it doesn’t have to be intimidating.
Here’s what worked for me, and what I recommend to anyone who's ready to dip a toe in.
First things first: find your people. The best way to do that is through lifestyle-specific platforms. These aren’t your average dating apps—they’re places built for people exploring relationships outside the mainstream.
FetLife – This one isn’t a dating app exactly, but more like a Facebook-style platform for people in the kink, BDSM, and ENM communities. It’s great for events, education, and finding local groups.
SDC and SLS – These are lifestyle-focused platforms (mostly used by swingers and people in open relationships). They’re built for connection, events, and socializing, not just hookups.
Check them out, create a profile, and most importantly—look at the events section.
If you’re brand new, I can’t recommend munches enough. A munch is a casual, social gathering for people in the lifestyle. They’re typically held at restaurants or cafes, and the vibe is super chill—think group dinner with like-minded people, not a play party.
My first munch? I went alone. I was nervous, sure, but it ended up being such a welcoming experience. Everyone got up, introduced themselves, and shared a little about their journey. No pressure, no expectations—just community.
That’s really the key. These spaces are designed to be safe, welcoming, and nonjudgmental. They’re where you can ask questions, meet new friends, and get a real sense of what the lifestyle looks like in the real world (not just on apps).
You don’t need to jump into dating right away. You don’t need to have everything figured out. Just start by showing up. Listen. Learn. Ask questions. And trust that your curiosity is valid—and that there are plenty of others out there who once stood exactly where you are now and are willing to be your sherpa as you start to explore.
The lifestyle isn’t about doing it all at once—it’s about discovering what feels right for you.
And if you’re ready to explore? There’s a whole community out here waiting to welcome you.
