Polyamory, Partnership, and the Power of Choice
TikTok video from 2022-02-20
“If your husband isn’t open to the lifestyle, then you have to make a choice.”
That might sound blunt, but it’s one of the most honest conversations we don’t talk about enough when it comes to polyamory and long-term relationships. This lifestyle requires radical self-honesty, open-hearted communication, and a whole lot of bravery. And the truth is—not everyone is built for it. Not every marriage can hold this level of openness.
Being polyamorous means being willing to get uncomfortable. It means having hard conversations and sitting in the discomfort of needs, wants, and truths that don’t always line up perfectly. That’s why it’s not for everyone. And that’s okay.
I hear a lot of people say, “We have great communication in our marriage.” And sometimes that’s true. But I’ve also seen many long-term marriages crumble not because of polyamory, but because of what’s always been there: unspoken expectations, unmet needs, or the fear of being truly vulnerable.
One of the most important things I’ve learned—through personal growth, therapy, and real-life experience—is this: I am responsible for my happiness.
Not my husband. Not my relationships. Me.
If I’m not happy, it’s on me to figure out why, and to take steps to change it. That might mean having tough conversations. That might mean walking away.
But it always starts with choosing myself.
I’m incredibly lucky. I’m married to a man who has supported everything I’ve ever asked for—okay, almost everything. Early in our marriage, he wanted to get his pilot’s license, and I said no. Flat out, no. I didn’t support that dream, and I regret that now. He should have been free to do what made him happy. That’s what partnership is about: supporting each other’s growth, not trying to control it.
These days, my side piece is a pilot. So I guess, in the end, I got used to the idea of flying after all.
But more importantly, every day, I choose my husband. We’ve been married for over 30 years, and yes, that’s rare. Divorce isn’t taboo anymore—if anything, it’s easier than ever to leave. But I don’t stay because it’s hard to leave. I stay because I still choose him.
If you’re in a situation where your partner isn’t supportive of the life you want to live, you have to ask yourself: what matters more to you? The relationship? Or the version of yourself you want to become?
Be honest. Be brave. Be happy.
Because at the end of the day, if you’re not happy—truly, deeply happy—no one else around you is going to be either. And more importantly, you are the only one who is responsible for your happiness.
