One Person Can’t Be Everything (And That’s Okay)
TikTok video from 2022-02-20
One of the core beliefs behind polyamory is that no single person can or should be expected to meet all of our needs. And really—what a wild amount of pressure to put on one relationship. Emotional support, sexual compatibility, intellectual stimulation, shared values, hobbies, goals, friendship, partnership, chemistry? That’s a tall order for anyone.
And yet, that’s what so many of us were taught to expect. We grew up on fairy tales and rom-coms that sold us the idea of “the one”—that magical person who would be our everything forever.
But in real life? That expectation is not only unrealistic, it’s unsustainable. It sets us up for disappointment, and it can quietly eat away at even the most loving relationships.
I remember a friend of mine in her mid-forties once confided in me. She told me that at 45, without even realizing it, she had already experienced the last sexual encounter of her life. Not by choice—but because her husband, whom she loved deeply and had no desire to leave, had lost interest. Whether it was emotional, physical, or a mix of both, their sex life just... ended.
She didn’t resent him. She didn’t want a divorce. But her needs? They were no longer being met. And I remember how sad and scared that made me feel. I didn’t want to look back someday and realize that part of me—the sensual, sexual part—had just quietly disappeared. (Hear more about this on The Playful Podcast, Season 1: Episode 14.)
I think that fear planted a seed in me. And over time, I realized I didn’t want to live in fear. I wanted to live in truth.
So I made a different choice. I chose to believe that we can have everything. That we can stay deeply connected to the people we love while also seeking out fulfillment where it makes sense—ethically, openly, and with intention.
Polyamory gives us the space to honor each part of who we are. It asks us to get honest about our needs—not just the emotional ones, but the physical and spiritual ones, too. And when we do that—when we allow ourselves, and our partners, the freedom to explore and grow—everybody has the chance to be happy.
Not because we are everything to each other. But because we are allowed to be fully ourselves. That’s the kind of love I want. The kind that expands, not confines. The kind that invites us to grow, rather than shrink, to fit a mold.
Because love shouldn’t be about doing it the “right” way. It should be about doing it your way—with courage, honesty, and a whole lot of heart.
What have you done to actualize yourself?
