Is It Hard to Balance So Many Relationships?
TikTok video from 2022-03-26
This is one of the questions I get asked most often—and I completely understand why. From the outside, polyamory can look like a never-ending juggling act. So when someone asks, “Isn’t it hard having so many relationships and still making time for yourself?” I genuinely appreciate the curiosity.
The short answer? It’s not as hard as people think—because the key is in how the relationships are structured, not how many there are.
I don’t spread myself thin across my relationships. I spend intentional time where it matters. My husband and I live together, so naturally, we share a lot of everyday space. That doesn’t mean we’re planning elaborate dates all the time—it just means we do life side-by-side. Folding laundry. Watching Netflix. Running errands. The ease of sharing a home is that “togetherness” can happen even in small, quiet ways.
Then there’s my boyfriend, Sapio. We see each other once a week, usually for a night together. That rhythm gives us both something to look forward to and space to miss each other. We don’t need constant check-ins or daily updates. What we do need is consistency, honesty, and warmth—and once a week gives us just that.
Now my girlfriend and I? We do talk every day. We use Marco Polo—an app where we leave each other video messages back and forth. It’s our space to process things, share life updates, and reflect on our relationship in real time. Some days it’s quick check-ins; other days it’s longer, deeper conversations. It’s not about obligation—it’s about emotional intimacy that thrives even at a distance.
Then there are my comet partners—lovers I see once or twice a year. The love is real. The intimacy is real. But the time commitment is light. These relationships don’t take up much space in my day-to-day life, yet they add tremendous joy when our orbits align.
What often gets missed in these conversations is the need to be in relationship with yourself. And I fiercely protect that space. I spend time alone. I create. I reflect. I rest. If my calendar starts to feel crowded, I reevaluate. I check in with myself before I say yes to someone else.
Because polyamory isn’t about being everything to everyone—it’s about being fully present with each person, including yourself.
I’ve met monogamous people who feel more overwhelmed in one relationship than I do with five. The number of partners isn’t what determines the emotional workload. It’s whether your relationships are aligned with your capacity, your boundaries, and your life.
When each relationship is grounded in trust, respect, and mutual understanding of how it fits into your world, polyamory becomes less about juggling—and more about flow.
So is it hard?
Sure, sometimes. Life is hard. People are complex. But with clear agreements, emotional honesty, and partners who want to see you thrive, polyamory becomes not just manageable—but deeply fulfilling.
