How Do You Handle Pregnancy in Polyamory?
TikTok video from 2022-03-19
Yikes—pregnancy. That’s one of those questions that makes a lot of people pause when thinking about open relationships. But the truth is, in polyamory, we navigate pregnancy like we navigate everything else: with intentional communication, respect, and clarity.
I’ve been married to my husband for 34 years. We’re happily married, and we both have other partners—boyfriends, girlfriends, comet lovers. We’ve found a lifestyle that brings us joy and keeps us deeply connected.
So, how do we handle pregnancy? For us personally, it’s not an issue—my husband had a vasectomy, so the possibility of him getting someone pregnant is essentially off the table. And I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t want children. But that doesn’t mean the topic isn’t relevant in the polyamorous world. It absolutely is.
I know polyamorous families where pregnancy and parenting are part of the equation, and they’ve navigated it beautifully—though not without deep, intentional conversations.
Take one couple I know, for example: they have children together, and one partner wanted to have a child with someone new. In their case, they discussed what co-parenting would look like, whether they’d live together or separately, and how each person’s role would function. They didn’t treat it as a crisis—they treated it as a decision to make together, with care and clarity.
Another one of my lovers has a nesting partner who’s bisexual. One of her other partners got pregnant, and the two women decided to raise the baby together. My lover, while supportive of the situation, didn’t want to take on a parental role. So, they all negotiated what that would look like in their shared household. He made it clear that he didn’t want to be responsible for childcare—so that responsibility would rest solely with the two moms.
That doesn’t mean he wouldn’t interact with the child. Of course he would. But the understanding is that he wouldn’t be expected to take on the emotional, logistical, or physical labor of parenting. And that agreement was made lovingly and transparently. (Update: The pregnant woman raised the child with the dad. So, my joyfriend didn’t have any parental role.)
If something like that were to happen in my own life—say, if my husband decided he wanted to raise a child with someone else—we would navigate it just like anything else: through honest, ongoing dialogue. I know I don’t want to live in a household with children, so we’d likely restructure our living situation. Maybe that means living in separate homes. Maybe it means redefining our day-to-day connection. But what it wouldn’t mean is the end of our relationship. (In 2024, we ended up living in two different states, and living with kids, as it happens! LOL! My partner (and his wife) have a kid, and I have lived with them, and the wife’s boyfriend. Life is amazing… there’s love everywhere.)
Because polyamory isn’t about fitting ourselves into pre-made boxes. It’s about writing our own script—and making sure everyone involved feels heard, valued, and safe.
Pregnancy, like any major life event, is just another part of the conversation. We talk about it. We get honest. We ask what each person needs and can offer. And we create agreements that work for our lives, not anyone else’s expectations.
It’s not a threat. It’s just another chapter. And we figure it out, together—like we always do.
