Is My Husband Treated Differently Than My Other Partners?
TikTok video from 2022-03-17
What a great opportunity to explain how I approach my relationships.
Yes, I do have a husband. And I totally understand why someone might assume that, because of that title, he holds more weight or priority than my other partners. That’s a very common dynamic in many relationships—especially in hierarchical polyamory, where there’s a clearly defined “primary” partner.
But that’s not how I operate.
The way I approach my relationships is with autonomy and respect for each connection as its own unique, valuable dynamic. That means my husband doesn’t have “veto power” over my other relationships. He doesn’t get special privileges simply because we’re married. And none of my other lovers are considered “less than” just because they don’t live with me or wear a label like “spouse.” (In fact now, in 2025 I live apart from my husband and with another of my partners.)
In 2022, did I naturally spend more time with my husband? Sure—because we shared a home and a life. Logistically, proximity creates more interaction. But I didn’t give him more importance just because of that. My emotional energy, attention, and respect are given with care and intention to each of my partners.
Every relationship I have exists on its own terms. No one is above or below anyone else.
That’s the beauty of relationship autonomy: each connection is allowed to be what it is, rather than being defined by what another relationship is or isn’t.
So yes, I have a husband. But no, he’s not automatically at the top of some invisible relationship ladder. I choose each of my partners intentionally, and I care for them all with depth and presence, wherever they are in my life.
Often I hang out with my husband and one or two others of the men I date… and their wives, or hubby’s girlfriend(s). We form a tribe of people who want to expand and explore. We are lovers, yes. And we are friends.
Thanks for being curious and open—that’s how these important conversations get started!
