How Do I Know When to Add a New Partner?
TikTok video from 2022-03-10
I know a lot of people are probably wondering the same thing. Polyamory can look a little mystifying from the outside, especially when someone says, “I have six partners.” (Which, yes, I do!) But let’s unpack what that really means.
Right now, all of my partners live out of town. The closest one is 45 minutes away—and he’s a snowbird, which means he’ll be leaving in the next six weeks. So, while I technically have multiple partners, none of them are nearby. None are part of my day-to-day routine. That creates a certain kind of spaciousness—and, sometimes, a certain kind of longing.
While I’m incredibly grateful for the richness each of these relationships brings, there are still needs that aren’t being met in the present moment. That’s the thing about polyamory—it’s not about “having enough” partners on paper, it’s about whether the real, lived experience of connection matches what I need emotionally, physically, and logistically.
When that alignment shifts, I listen.
So how do I know when it’s time to start looking for someone new? It’s pretty simple: I tune in to what I’m needing and whether or not those needs are being met.
Right now, I’ve realized there’s something missing: that deep, primal sexual connection. A raw chemistry. The kind that’s electric and unfiltered. I became aware of it when I saw it happen between two people I care about—Luke and Ms. Beya—and I was so happy for them. But it also made me realize: I want that, too.
That was the moment I knew it was time to open myself to the possibility of a new connection.
The decision to add a partner isn’t about collecting people or juggling a certain number. It’s about checking in with myself. What am I craving? What’s missing? What would feel nourishing, fulfilling, exciting? It’s about being honest with myself and with the people already in my life, and making space for new possibilities in a way that respects everyone involved.
It also requires emotional bandwidth. Just because I want something doesn’t always mean I have the capacity to pursue it in a healthy way. So part of the process is asking: Do I have the energy, time, and space to welcome someone new into my world? Can I give and receive in a way that feels fair and grounded?
If the answer is yes—if my heart, mind, and schedule are all saying, “There’s room”—then I begin to open that door.
It’s never about filling a slot. It’s about expanding into what’s possible. It’s about giving myself permission to seek joy, intimacy, and connection in ways that feel aligned.
And right now? I’m ready to start that journey again.
