Finding Partners in Polyamory: Where and How I Connect
TikTok video from 2022-07-13
Hello, anonymous reader—and thank you for the question. It’s one I receive quite often, and for good reason: as more people explore alternatives to traditional monogamy, there’s a growing need for clarity, language, and shared understanding.
When people first learn that I’m polyamorous, their initial questions often fall into two categories:
What exactly does that mean?
How do you find people who are also open to it?
Let’s start with the first.
While these terms are often used interchangeably, they aren’t identical.
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is the umbrella term. It refers to any relationship structure in which all parties are aware of and consent to their partner(s) having romantic or sexual connections with others. The emphasis is on transparency, consent, and communication. Whether it’s an open marriage, swinging, relationship anarchy, or solo polyamory, ethical non-monogamy prioritizes integrity over secrecy.
Polyamory, on the other hand, is a specific type of ethical non-monogamy. It refers to the practice (and often, identity) of having multiple loving relationships—with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
In other words:
Ethical non-monogamy ensures that partners know about each other.
Polyamory is about building and sustaining emotional and loving bonds with more than one person.
I identify as both. I practice ethical non-monogamy, and within that framework, I choose polyamory as my relationship model—because I value not just connection, but love in its many forms.
This is the second most common question I hear, and again—thank you for asking it.
The answer, in short: you meet them where they already are.
For me, two platforms have been especially helpful:
Feeld is a dating app designed for people exploring non-traditional relationships. It offers clear identity tags like “polyamorous,” “ethically non-monogamous,” and “open to couples,” allowing users to be upfront about their values and intentions. What I love about Feeld is the ease of transparency. You don’t have to lead with an explanation or an apology—you can simply show up as yourself.
FetLife is a social network for the kink and BDSM communities. While it’s not specifically a dating app, it’s a rich space to meet people who are already operating outside of traditional relational norms. Many people on FetLife identify as ethically non-monogamous, polyamorous, or open—and the platform offers discussion forums, event listings, and social opportunities that can lead to organic connection.
Of course, meeting people isn’t only about platforms. It’s also about being visible and willing to talk about your values. Some of the most meaningful relationships in my life have come from conversations where I led with clarity, not persuasion. When you live and love authentically, you tend to attract others who do the same.
Being polyamorous is not just about dating more people. It’s about cultivating love and connection from a place of honesty, intention, and deep personal responsibility.
Yes, it requires more communication.
Yes, it demands vulnerability and growth.
But for those of us who are wired this way, it offers something profoundly liberating: the permission to love fully and be fully known in return.
If you’re curious, questioning, or simply exploring the terrain of non-monogamy, I encourage you to start with clarity. Learn the terms. Reflect on your values. And don’t be afraid to ask questions—like this one.
Because questions like these are how we build bridges, not walls.
