What “Next Level” Means When You’re Not Building a Life Together
TikTok video from 2022-08-25
Someone recently asked me—rather bluntly—how I could talk about “taking things to the next level” with a new partner when I haven’t “left” my husband. The tone was something between judgment and confusion, and the implication was pretty clear:
If you're not ending one thing, how can you start another?
And what does “next level” even mean… is it marriage? Moving in? Matching tattoos?
Let me clear something up.
We went on a date. Just one. Not because we’re looking to fall in love and buy matching recliners, but because we wanted to meet and see if we liked each other enough to explore something. He’s a swinger. I’m ethically non-monogamous. We’re both in long-term marriages. And we’re both looking for something very specific: intimate partnership—but not in the “let’s build a life together” kind of way.
More like: “Let’s find out what kind of playground we want to build… and then go have fun in it.”
The date didn’t need to be long. We weren’t vetting each other for co-parenting potential or plotting out a five-year plan. It could’ve just been coffee. And honestly? It was enough. We liked each other. The vibe was good. There was trust. There was mutual interest.
So we looked at each other and said,
“Yeah. Let’s take it to the next level.”
Now, for some people, “next level” means exclusivity. For others, it’s introducing someone to their kids. For us? It means, “Let’s talk about what we want to do together in the bedroom.”
That’s it.
That’s the level. And it’s a valid one.
We’re not trying to replace our spouses. We’re not each other’s “one and only.” We’re each other’s let’s see where this goes, and that doesn’t have to mean a forever plan. It can just mean now. It can just mean fun. It can just mean, “Hey, we like each other, we’re clear about what we want, and we’re excited to explore that.”
So no—we’re not headed for marriage. We’re not drawing up joint wills. We’re figuring out which kinks we might be curious about and what safety, trust, and communication will look like for us.
That’s what makes this kind of connection so beautifully freeing. It’s honest. It’s designed from scratch. There’s no default timeline or pre-set milestones. There’s just two people co-creating something with intention, clarity, and a healthy dose of flirtation.
Next level doesn’t have to mean forever. Sometimes it just means next.
