Vibrators Don’t Emasculate—They Enhance

TikTok video from 2023-01-05

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So I came across a story that made me laugh out loud—and then pause to reflect.

A woman gave her mom a vibrator as a gift (which, honestly, iconic daughter energy), and her mom asked her to return it. Why? Because she was afraid it would emasculate her husband.

Let that sink in.

A vibrator—an object designed to bring her pleasure—was seen as a threat to her husband’s masculinity.

And all I could think was: Wow, we need to talk about this more.

Because here’s what I’ve learned through years of exploring, playing, dating, and deepening into my sexuality:

Toys don’t threaten real intimacy. They amplify it.

A vibrator isn’t competition. It’s not a replacement. It’s not an insult.
It’s a tool.
A beautiful, buzzing, body-loving tool that can add layers of sensation, creativity, and joy to any intimate moment—solo or partnered.

In fact, some of the best lovers I’ve had—men included—absolutely love using toys.
They’re curious.
They’re playful.
They want to explore what feels good for their partners.
They don’t see a vibrator as a judgment of their skills—they see it as a collaboration.

And let me tell you, when you’re with someone who isn’t threatened by your pleasure—who actively wants you to feel good in every way possible—everything changes.

So when I hear stories like this, where women are made to feel guilty for wanting to explore their own bodies… or worse, where their partners' egos are prioritized over their pleasure… it reminds me why we still have so much unlearning to do.

We’ve been taught to protect fragile masculinity instead of empowering embodied intimacy.
We’ve been taught that if a toy can do something faster, better, or more efficiently, then somehow that makes a partner irrelevant.
But it doesn’t.
You know what makes someone irrelevant in bed?
Refusing to listen. Refusing to grow. Refusing to be open.

Pleasure is expansive. It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.

So, here’s my question:
How many of you actually use toys with your lovers?
And if you don’t—why not?

Is it because you’re afraid of what they’ll think?
Afraid of how they’ll feel?
Afraid of what it might say about you?

Because I’m here to tell you—there’s nothing shameful about knowing what you like and inviting someone else to experience that with you.

In fact, that’s intimacy. That’s trust. That’s being a grown-ass person who knows her body and isn’t afraid to celebrate it.

So no, Mom. A vibrator isn’t emasculating.
What’s emasculating is believing that your partner’s confidence is so fragile that your pleasure has to be dimmed for him to feel strong.

Let’s do better.
Let’s be braver.
Let’s play—with toys, with lovers, with openness, with joy.

Because the only thing sex toys are threatening is the old idea that women’s pleasure should come last.