Story Time: Meet Sapio — When Intellectual Chemistry Becomes a Relationship
TikTok video from 2022-06-04
One of the most meaningful connections I’ve formed during this journey is with a man I call Sapio. He’s been in my life for nearly a year now, and we have a beautifully unique relationship that I think really embodies what polyamory can look like when it's done with clarity and compassion.
Sapio and I met through SDC—short for Seek, Discover, Connect—a lifestyle dating site that caters to people interested in non-monogamy and kink. We were both open to exploring something new. We weren’t sure what exactly we were looking for at the time, but when we met for lunch that first day, the conversation never stopped.
We sat down around noon, and before we knew it, it was 4 PM. That kind of easy, deep, stimulating conversation is rare. Our second date had the same energy—we met for dinner at 5, and when we checked the time again, it was midnight. That’s how I knew there was something here.
Our connection isn’t what most would call “traditional.” While we’re romantically and emotionally close, we’re not sexually compatible in the usual sense. And here’s the truth: it’s still an incredibly fulfilling relationship.
He brings me flowers. He chooses outfits for me. He takes me out to dinner. We cuddle. We laugh. We share ideas, books, podcasts, and thoughts about the world. We are incredibly close—but we’ve never needed that closeness to follow the typical romantic script.
In many monogamous frameworks, not having sexual compatibility might be a dealbreaker. But in polyamory, there’s room for nuance. Because I don’t expect one partner to meet every single need, there’s space to fully enjoy what Sapio and I do have: intimacy, trust, conversation, and shared passions.
Where our physical connection thrives is in kink. We’re both passionate about ChAARI—the art of Japanese rope bondage—as well as impact play like flogging. These experiences are deeply physical, yet rooted in trust and communication rather than sexual release. They’re meditative, connective, and offer a different kind of closeness.
For us, kink is not about performance—it’s about being fully present with one another. It’s about creating beauty, safety, and connection. And that’s love too.
This relationship works so well because we don’t force it to be anything it’s not. And that’s the core lesson here: in polyamory, we don’t expect one person to be our everything. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone. Instead, we let each connection evolve into what it wants to be, naturally.
Sapio isn’t here to replace my husband. He’s not here to “complete” me. He’s simply someone I deeply enjoy and care for. That’s enough.
And in case you’re wondering—yes, my husband and Sapio get along. We’re kitchen table polyamorous, which means our partners often know each other, hang out, and even become friends. There’s no jealousy, just mutual respect.
Love isn’t one-size-fits-all. Sometimes love looks like candlelit dinners and shared beds. Sometimes it looks like reading rope tutorials together or getting excited about the latest New York Times op-ed. And sometimes it looks like holding hands on the couch after a long day, just grateful to be in each other's lives.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: love is what we make it. And with the right communication, compassion, and curiosity, there’s no limit to how beautiful it can be.
