Is There Ever a Time I Just Want My Husband and No One Else?
Someone recently asked me a thoughtful question: Is there ever a moment with your husband that’s so special, it makes you not want to see your boyfriends?
I really appreciate that question, because I think it comes from genuine curiosity—and maybe even a bit of doubt, like “Wait… don’t you ever just want to keep it simple and stay in the arms of the one person you married?”
So let me answer it clearly:
No. A solid, loving, hell-no.
And here’s why.
My husband and I have been married for 34 years. That’s three decades of laughter, stress, raising each other, breaking old patterns, and growing into better versions of ourselves—together. We are each other’s chosen family.
We didn’t open our marriage because we stopped loving each other. Quite the opposite—we did it because we still loved each other. But over time, we realized that we couldn’t meet every single one of each other’s needs—and that wasn’t a crisis. It was just honest.
Instead of resenting each other for what was missing, we gave each other the freedom to go out and find fulfillment in other places. That wasn’t giving up. That was love in action.
When I’m with one of my other partners—whether it’s Sapio, or Luke, or someone else—I’m present. I’m not thinking about my husband. I’m not wishing I was home. I’m exactly where I want to be, in that moment, enjoying what that person brings to my life.
For example: Luke and I went out last night to a restaurant that absolutely blew me away. We’re both foodies, and we went all in on a decadent, unforgettable meal. That’s not something I do with Sapio—he’s not much of a foodie. And honestly? My husband is. Luke and my husband would probably get along great—music lovers, food lovers, total nerds in the best way.
They haven’t met yet, but Luke’s wife is coming into town this weekend, and I’m hoping we can all grab dinner. It’d be beautiful to have everyone in one place, sharing a table, connecting. That’s one of my favorite things about polyamory—community.
Loving my husband doesn’t make me want to stop loving others. And being with others doesn’t make me love my husband less. They’re not in competition. They’re all essential to who I am and how I love.
I’m polyamorous. I thrive on different energies, different conversations, different kinds of touch and connection. I have a partner for lazy Sunday mornings, a partner for adventurous weekends, a partner who can make me laugh so hard I snort. And yes—my husband still makes me laugh the hardest.
We’re different people, with different interests and rhythms. He’s a little more vanilla. I’m... not. So we each explore what brings us joy—separately and together.
And that’s what makes this whole thing work.
