Alpha Bottoms, Service Tops, and the Unexpected Ways We Bloom
I’m in Boston right now, tucked into a loud, bustling corner of the world. And despite the noise (or maybe because of it), my thoughts have been clear, buzzing, alive. This trip has been full of revelations—specifically, about the kind of men I’m attracted to, the kind of energy I respond to, and the kind of lover I’m becoming.
It’s not often we give ourselves permission to evolve. But today, I want to share something I’ve been uncovering within myself—something that has shifted how I move through intimacy, how I define power, and how I receive and give pleasure.
So let’s talk about alphas, betas, tops, bottoms, and the juicy truth that we are not just one thing. We are many.
For those of you familiar with the Wheel of Consent, you’ll know that in any interaction, there are two key variables: who is doing the action, and who the action is for. A top is the person doing. A bottom is the person receiving. But receiving doesn’t always mean it’s for your pleasure—and doing doesn’t always mean you're giving. That’s where the nuance lives.
If you’re receiving something for your enjoyment, you’re in the “receive” quadrant. If you’re allowing something to be done for their enjoyment, you’re in “allow.” These distinctions matter. They clarify intent. They make consent intentional, not assumed.
In kink and BDSM circles, we often talk in terms of dominant/submissive roles. A dom (or alpha) leads. A sub (or beta) follows. But even that language is reductive. What if you’re a submissive who loves control in other parts of life? What if you’re a dominant who longs to surrender in the bedroom? What if both are true?
That’s where my discovery begins.
For most of my life, I’ve identified as an alpha submissive. I’m bold, assertive, a natural leader. I run households, plan projects, initiate conversations, and hold space for others. But when it comes to intimacy—especially in a power exchange dynamic—I’ve always found my deepest pleasure in surrender. I love being met with certainty, strength, and direction. I love softening. I love yielding to someone who knows what they want and how to care for me within that.
But recently, something’s changed.
Or rather, something in me has opened.
I’ve found myself deeply, magnetically drawn to men who walk through the world as alphas—protective, steady, grounded—but who, in intimacy, are willing to let go. Men who exude confidence in public, who hold my hand firmly, who open the door for me and guide us through crowds with the kind of presence that makes me melt. But in private? They offer their bodies with trust. They whisper, “You tell me what to do.” They want me to lead.
And I’m discovering that I love it.
I love the polarity of it. The emotional power of being entrusted with someone’s vulnerability—not to exploit it, but to cherish it. I’m finding joy in becoming what’s known as a service top—a partner who leads, who takes control, not from dominance or ego, but from a deep, intuitive desire to please, and not as a “People-Pleaser.”
I’m not topping to take.
I’m topping to give.
To guide.
To co-create safety and turn-on and release.
And that is such a delicious reversal of roles from what I’ve known. It’s not that my submission is gone—it’s just that my capacity has grown.
So who are these men?
They’re alpha bottoms—a rare and breathtaking kind of partner. They hold their power in everyday life but hand it to you in the bedroom, not because they’re weak or unsure, but because they trust you. And that trust? It’s intoxicating.
They’re not asking to be bossed around. They’re asking to be seen. To be led. To be taken care of—not despite their strength, but because of it. These are men who offer their submission from a place of sovereignty, and I meet them with mine.
It’s tender. It’s bold. It’s everything.
What I’ve learned is this: we don’t need to fit into static roles to be real. We are not boxes. We are fluid. Curious. Powerful. And ever-evolving.
I can be a submissive partner who wants to be owned.
And I can be a service top who guides and leads with grace.
I can yield and command. Receive and give. Soften and sharpen.
It’s not either/or. It’s yes/and.
Polyamory and kink have given me the language, the space, and the freedom to explore all of these layers without shame. Without apology. And with the deep, sensual knowing that all of it is valid. All of it is mine.
So today, from the rhythm of Boston streets, I want to celebrate this new facet of myself. And maybe inspire you to look inward and ask: What am I craving that I’ve never allowed myself to claim? What new part of me is waiting to be named?
If you’re drawn to power, explore it.
If you’re drawn to surrender, honor it.
If you’re somewhere in between—or both at once—welcome home.
Alpha bottoms, I see you.
Service tops, I’m becoming you.
And to everyone discovering new truths about desire:
You’re not too much.
You’re just getting started.
