What Is a Meta? (And Why I Love Living with Mine)
TikTok video from 2024-10-30
This is such a good question, and I’m honestly so glad it was asked—because it gives me a chance to talk about one of my favorite polyamory dynamics: metas.
Now, before I get into the meaning, let me introduce myself in case you’re new here.
Hi, I’m Lisa—the Poly Wife.
I’ve been married for 37 years (yep, really), I have several lovers, and I have a steady boyfriend I adore. My life is full, rich, layered, and built on a whole lot of love, communication, and clarity.
And with all that connection comes a beautiful web of relationships—enter the meta.
So what is a meta?
In polyamory, a meta (short for metamour) is the partner of your partner.
That’s it. That’s the definition.
If I’m dating someone, and they have another partner, that person is my meta.
My first meta?
That would be my husband’s girlfriend.
The meta I’m talking about in this story?
She’s my boyfriend’s wife.
And here’s the beautiful twist: we all live together.
Yes, you read that right.
Me, my boyfriend, his wife (my meta), and her boyfriend—we all share a home.
It’s cozy, wild, beautifully nontraditional, and surprisingly functional.
We’re what’s called a polycule—a network of interconnected relationships. And after six or seven months of shared living, we’ve grown into a happy little family.
Now, I know some folks might hear that and think, “Wait, you live with your boyfriend’s wife? Doesn’t that get… complicated?”
And sure, sometimes. We’re human.
But the thing is, when you commit to honesty, curiosity, and actual communication, magic can happen.
Love expands.
Jealousy becomes a doorway, not a wall.
And metas?
They become family.
Recently, it was her birthday—my meta. And I wanted it to be special. Not just because I live with her, not just because it’s the “polite” thing to do, but because I care about her. Because we’ve built something together. Because sharing a home, a kitchen, a life—it knits you together in quiet, beautiful ways.
So when someone asks, “What does meta mean?”—my answer is this:
A meta is my partner’s partner.
But in my life, a meta can also be a housemate, a co-parent, a co-conspirator, a friend.
Sometimes even a source of unexpected tenderness.
It’s one of those polyamory terms that sounds clinical at first, but once you live it?
It becomes something far more meaningful.
So whether your meta is someone you send birthday texts to or someone you make morning coffee with every day, here’s what I know:
There’s no one right way to do relationships.
But when we lead with love, things tend to unfold better than we could’ve imagined.
