The Book I Owe to Women Like Me
TikTok video from 2023-07-16
Okay.
Here we go.
I’ve said it before—casually, playfully, almost like a joke—but now I’m saying it with my full chest:
I’m writing the book.
Not the kind of book you rush out just to say you did it.
Not the kind of book filled with recycled advice or polished performance.
This is the real one. The one I’ve been circling around for years.
The one that’s been growing inside me since the first time I realized that marriage could be more, that love didn’t have to be confined to one person, and that desire doesn’t expire when the wedding ring settles onto your hand.
I’ve lived it all.
The long-term marriage. The polyamory. The aching confusion. The tender reconnections. The accidental orgasms that brought me back to life. The awkward first dates at 50. The moments I told the truth and felt my whole body unclench in relief.
And I know I’m not alone.
There are so many women like me—married, committed, maybe even satisfied on paper—but something is… quiet. Dormant. Asleep.
And this book is for her.
For you.
For the woman who whispers her “what ifs” into the mirror when no one’s around.
What finally pushed me over the edge?
Funny enough—it was a Tinder date.
Yes, really.
It was my first time using the app (terrifying and weird and also kind of fun), and this man—kind, curious, emotionally literate—asked me what I do. I told him about my polyamorous lifestyle, my coaching, my blog, my intention to write a book someday.
And without flinching, he looked at me and said:
“Every day you don’t write that book, there’s a woman out there suffering because she doesn’t have the information you have to offer.”
I could have cried. Honestly, I think I did later.
Because deep down, I know that’s true.
How many women are out there aching for more, wondering if it’s okay to want romance again, to explore again, to feel sexy and alive again in midlife or later?
How many are telling themselves it’s selfish?
Or too late?
Or “just a phase”?
Or worse—how many don’t even have the words for what they feel?
This book is for them.
This book is for us.
So now, I’m finally doing it. And I want your help.
If you’ve followed me for a while, you’ve heard my stories—the beautiful, the messy, the sexy, the spiritual.
You’ve watched me stumble through breakups and open new doors.
You’ve seen me reintroduce myself to my husband, again and again, as we navigate polyamory, intimacy, and sabbatical seasons of growth.
You’ve read about lovers who lit up my body, conversations that cracked my heart wide open, and moments of clarity that only come after deep, deep confusion.
Now I want to know what you want in this book.
Do you want to know how to talk to your partner about opening your marriage?
How to even begin feeling your own desire again?
What to say on a first date when you haven’t been on one in 20 years?
How to deal with jealousy when your husband’s out with his girlfriend and you’re home making soup and trying not to spiral?
Want to hear what it’s like to fall in love with someone and still love your spouse?
Want to hear how polyamory has sometimes broken my heart and also shown me exactly who I am?
I want to give you all of it—not just the how-to, but the why.
The moments that made me who I am.
The lessons I learned the hard way.
The love I’m still growing into.
There’s more, too.
The podcast is finally launching. We’ve recorded episodes over the past few years that track my journey in real-time. The conversations are raw, real, and full of the kinds of truths that don’t always fit into Instagram captions.
The website is being built—LisaThePolyWife.com—where you’ll be able to find the book (once it’s born), sign up for coaching, take classes on sacred intimacy and polyamory, and read more of my personal writing. I’ll also be sharing a collection of erotica and creating a space for deeper, subscription-based conversations—so if you’ve ever wanted to sit in circle with me, that’s coming too.
And yes—I’m dating again.
New lovers. New energy. Some surprises. Some missteps. Some potential. I’ll share all of it in time. Right now, it’s still unfolding.
Also—thank you for your patience.
Between the moving, the caregiving (E just came home from the hospital today—he’s resting), and the behind-the-scenes building of everything I’ve just shared, my presence has been a little in-and-out.
But I’m here now.
Settling back into my voice.
Back into this—this sacred space of storytelling, truth-telling, and being witnessed.
So here’s what I’m asking of you:
If you’ve ever thought, “I wish she’d write about this…”
Tell me.
If you have questions you’ve been afraid to ask, ask them.
If you want a chapter on something specific—opening lines, NRE, raising kids while poly, rebuilding trust, rekindling intimacy in marriage—I want to know.
If you just want to say “I see you”, I’ll take that too.
Because this book?
It’s not just mine.
It’s ours.
