Getting to the Good Stuff: Asking the Right Questions in the First Five Minutes
TikTok video from 2022-02-03
I’ve never been one for small talk. Five minutes into a conversation, I’m not asking about the weather—I’m diving straight into the questions that actually matter. That’s why when someone recently posted if it was appropriate for a potential partner to bring up affection that early after initiating contact, my answer was an enthusiastic “Yes!”
Let’s be real—if I’m going to invest time and energy into someone, I want to know if we’re on the same page from the start. That means getting clear about polyamory, sexual compatibility, and what we’re both looking for.
The Power of Asking Early
Most people might shy away from these kinds of conversations right off the bat, but I see them as essential. If I’m texting or talking to someone new, I’m going to ask:
Are you comfortable with polyamory? Because if not, we’re not a match. (See my Poly Questions in Resources)
What’s your sexual style? Chemistry matters, and I want to know if we’d be compatible in bed.
What kind of connection are you looking for? If it’s just a hookup, cool—but that’s not what I’m after.
These questions aren’t about making snap judgments or being overly forward. They’re about clarity. I’d rather figure out early on whether we align than waste time on something that’s not going anywhere.
Compatibility is Key
For me, it’s simple. If someone is a masochist, that’s not my thing. If they’re submissive, I’m probably not the right fit. And if they just want a casual fling? That’s not what I’m looking for either.
Knowing this upfront saves everyone time and prevents awkward mismatches later. So why dance around it? Let’s just ask and get to the fun part—actually seeing if we click.
This approach has been really helpful for the entire time I’ve been dating… Have I gone on dates with guys who only wanted hookups? Yup! Have I ended up with a casual fling here and there? Oh, YES! But it’s because it was MY CHOICE in the moment…
Actually, with Lambo (you’ll meet him soon),I remember distinctly saying to him, “You’re monogamous, so this isn’t going to work long-term, but you’re really sexy and the chemistry is there. Let’s have some fun.”
And did we have FUN! We both connected on a soul level, but in the end, he really wanted a monogamous relationship. I think he’s married now. We remain friends on FB…
What Do You Ask Right Away?
I know I’m not the only one who likes to get to the point. What are the questions you always ask a potential partner early on? Drop them in the comments—I’d love to hear how others navigate those first conversations!
