Breakups, Boundaries, and Becoming: What Ending One Chapter Opens Up
TikTok video from 2022-05-31
Connection, growth, expansion? Absolutely. But this past week reminded me of something else polyamory also includes: loss, grief, and letting go with grace.
I had two breakups last week.
One of them hit deeper than I expected: Lambo and I ended our relationship.
If you’ve been following for a while, you might remember that when we started dating, he told me he was monogamous. But like so many things in life, we were both curious. We clicked. We had chemistry. And we decided to explore. It worked for a while. There was genuine affection, connection, shared pleasure. But sometimes love—no matter how warm or fun—isn't built to last forever. Especially when two people are speaking different relational languages.
He recently met someone he truly clicked with, and she's monogamous too. So he came to me, openly and directly, to end things. Not because he was trying to be cruel. Not because anything went wrong. But because he wanted to start something right with her—from a clean, honest place.
And you know what? I was proud of him. Even through my tears.
Because what he did was brave and kind. He didn’t sneak around. He didn’t string anyone along. He honored the agreements we made—chief among them, that nobody we’re with should ever be a secret.
We practice ethical non-monogamy here. That means communication and transparency always come before comfort or convenience. And Lambo walked that walk until the very last step with me.
So, yes. I’ve cried. I’ve felt the ache. Losing someone you care about—no matter how short or long the journey—hurts. But I’ve also felt clarity.
Here’s the truth that landed like a lightning bolt: monogamous men bring a particular energy to a relationship. And that energy—the depth, the focus, the magnetic attention—it’s intoxicating. That’s what drew me to Lambo. But the very thing that made him so desirable was also what made our relationship unsustainable.
Because I am not, and will never be, a one-and-only.
And that’s okay. I’ve learned that some men, especially those who identify as alpha or deeply romantic, don’t want to be one of many. They want to be the one. And if that’s not on the table, they can’t stay.
In that realization, I felt something powerful shift inside me. Because while I’ve been juggling multiple beautiful connections, something in me has also been craving simplicity. Focus. Depth. Maybe even… a main partner again. Not in place of my husband—but in a way that adds to this life I’ve built.
So when all these relationships seemed to collide into a moment of poly-saturation a few weeks ago—when it felt like everyone wanted something from me—I now realize it was the beginning of an energetic release.
And now, here I am. Two relationships lighter. But somehow, I feel more aligned, more open, more clear than ever.
I’m currently talking to two men. Both partnered, both stable, both looking for the kind of connection I’m craving: passionate, focused, uncomplicated. And most importantly, aligned. I’m taking my time. No pressure, no rushing. Just conversation, curiosity, and slow unfolding.
So that’s where I’m at.
Breakups aren’t failures. They’re mile markers. They show us where we’ve been—and sometimes, they point us gently in the direction we were meant to go all along.
To anyone else navigating endings and transitions right now—be gentle with yourself. Let it hurt. Let it teach. And then… let it open you up to what’s next.
